Anyways, Matt and I wanted to catch some lunch.. and I couldn’t for the life of me think of anywhere near our work that had quesadillas so Matt suggested Chilis. It took us 5 minutes to get over there, the service was great and the decor was awful.  The food was  subpar.  My Jalapeno Steak Quesadillas were entirely passable but not worth the $10 or so they cost.  Matt ordered the “large” nachos.  Apparently “large” at Chilis constitutes 10 chips covered with beans and cheese.  I’m not sure how this is large, I’m afraid to find out what the small nacho is.

Our server was kinda furtive but really on the ball with getting our orders, bringing refills and bringing our check.  He didn’t pester us with any nonsense which was nice, but his tossing the check down with our food was a little odd.  Did I smell?  Was he encouraging us to leave?  Or did he recognize a “business” lunch since I was wearing my shitty polo and jeans. I’m sometimes afraid that I push business casual a little too far.  Do cut off jean shorts count as business casual?

I was really jonesing for a quesadilla and it must have clouded my judgement.  I mean, I know Chilis is just lackluster.. but why did I hope to have a stupid awesome quesadilla?  I think the key when eating at Chilis is to manage your expectations.  If you’re looking for a great experience with amazing food, keep walking.

I give Chilis a Rating: 2 out of 5 stars rating.  Perfectly passable over priced food.  If your company is paying it might be more enjoyable. If you really like Crapplebees you’ll probably enjoy Chili’s.

P.S. – So what, no pictures. I’ll leave you with this cat instead..

333 Prospect Street
Niagara Falls, NY 14303-1105
(716) 282-0007

Food Rating: 4 out of 5 stars – Awesome. I think it is better than your normal sports bar fare.
Service Rating: 4 out of 5 stars – Prompt and friendly. I like a bartender who introduces his or her self.
Atmosphere Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars – I’m a fan of the rediculous stuff that litters the walls. Other than the ROCK stuff, its like a sports bar
Price Rating: 2 out of 5 stars – I guess all of that ROCK stuff costs a lot of money….the food costs more than it should, but not terribly so
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars – Good food, good service, and a new glass for my collection.

I was in a touristy spot, so I had to eat at a touristy place. I don’t know why, but I like Hard Rock Cafes. They scored major points in my book back when I lived in Japan as they were the only restaurant that had free refills on sodas. It’s the little things.

Anyway, I’ve spent a pretty penny at Hard Rocks through my years, and have various hats, shirts, glasses and shot glasses to prove it. I even have a membership card that does…something…that I haven’t figured out yet.

This Hard Rock was no exception. I ended up with about a $120 bill which I’ll break down later. But it is ok, because I walked to the casino and placed $100 on black for the sole purpose of scoring some sweet-eats-money, and it worked.

First off, the atmosphere is pretty neat. I like all the rock and/or roll memorabilia that litters the joint. I also like how the staff knows they work at a Hard Rock.

I sat at the bar because as usual I was all alone. The bartender immediately came over and introduced himself in an informal-best-buddies-I work at Hard Rock kind of way and I got my first beer. The beers are a little over priced, but it was cold and poured properly, so that’s fine.

I first ordered a batch of wings because I was interested in the combination of smoked and buffalo flavors, and as suspected, they were pretty dang good. Now, for being only a short drive from Buffalo, I probably should have just gone somewhere there for wings, but whatever. These were mighty fine. Not too hot, not too vinegary, and just SLATHERED in sauce. The smoked flavor wasn’t as strong as I had hoped, but you could tell it was there.

Now comes the entrée. I got an open faced sirloin sandwich which really means you get a fat cut of meat on a big piece of bread with a whole bunch of crap on it. It was awesome. The meat was a bit more overcooked than what I had ordered, but it wasn’t bad at all. The meat wasn’t really seasoned beyond your basic stuff, so it pretty much tasted like any sirloin, but it was juicy (which is actually required by law for an open face sandwich). The fixings were also tops. God help you if you actually try and eat this like a sandwich. I’ll help you too.

For funzies I ordered a side of the “Twisted” macaroni and cheese because lets face it, I effin love macaroni and cheese and I had a BURNING NEED to know what made it “Twisted”. Unfortunately I never did find out why it was called “Twisted” but I have some theories. A) The type of noodle they used. B) the fact that it was kind of spicy. C) It is served at a Hard Rock Café. D) All of the above but mostly C. Doesn’t matter, it was delicious. You can see them in the picture above nestled next to my meats.

I also waffled down several beers throughout dinner because I could.

Now, here is where my tab starts growing by leaps and bounds. I bought merch. I can’t help it. I got a beer glass (which comes w/ beer in it) and a shirt for my lady. I also joined that membership thing which cost a few bucks too. All in all it came to like $120, but since the kind Native Americans paid for $100 of it, I was quite pleased with dinner and myself.

Then I went to see some waterfall everyone kept talking about.

5055 Marsh Rd
Okemos, MI 48864-1103
(517) 347-7188

Food Rating: 3 out of 5 stars – The food is good. Not great, but Chili’s has become pretty popular and all of the marketing in the world can’t cover up awful food.

Service Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars – This is generally where my distaste from Chili’s comes from. The orders are wrong, nobody seems to give a crap, and nobody seems concerned about our dining experience.

Atmosphere Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars – Gaudy. Not for me, but there isn’t anything really wrong with it.

Price Rating: 3 out of 5 stars – The food is slightly more expensive than I feel it should be, and the beer is considerably more expensive than it should be. But I did get a pretty big margarita for pretty cheap.

Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars – I’m neither here nor there on Chili’s. I probably will continue to avoid them, but I’m not adverse to eating there if that is what other people want to do.

Well, I picked Chili’s because they had been pretty awful the past two times I went there. I decided to give Chili’s a third chance hoping to get a funny story out of the deal. Well, unfortunately for me and fortunately for them the third time was a “charm”.

The first two times visiting this Chili’s were dismal at best. The queso dip was cold with a nice micro-waved film on top, and several orders were wrong. We had to send the server back at least twice per visit because of missing dishes, and on a fairly regular occasion people had to ask for drink refills instead of being asked if they would like more (or, bonus, the server just brings it). The restaurant was slow during these visits, which explains, but does NOT excuse why the food wasn’t fresh, and definitely makes me wonder how the server messed up so much. Both dining experiences were pretty bad.

However, on our third venture to Chili’s they did much better. Our server still seemed like she would have preferred it if we hadn’t come in to dine, and she messed up an order, but once we pointed it out she had it fixed in a jiff.

One thing I was impressed with was a margarita I ordered. The el Presidente or some jazz. I was expecting a regular margarita with a double margarita price. What I got was a decent sized margarita, the shaker with at least another 1.5 refills in it, and a price of like $7. That is OK in my book. Super OK.

As for the food, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. Kind of generic. People ate up with no complaints.

I ordered some steak and ribs. My steak was ordered rare, and came out pretty close to what I wanted, so I can’t complain. Wasn’t a great cut of meat, but at least they cooked it how I wanted it. The ribs were dry and tasted like generic bbq sauce. As it turns out, I don’t want my Chili’s baby back ribs.

The only weird thing going on was the chips that came as an appetizer. Maybe this is how Chili’s does chips, but I wasn’t a fan. They were thin and kind of soft. Kind of like some fried tissue paper.

Also, the saltines were soggy in the packaging. Weird.

Anyway, I won’t choose to go to Chili’s again despite this not-so-terrible experience. I will sigh and groan if people want to go there, but I’ll probably go if I can’t talk them out of it. Maybe Chili’s are better somewhere else, but it was my understanding that part of being a franchise is to offer the same service no matter where it is. So, either Chili’s of Okemos shouldn’t be part of the franchise, or all Chili’s should be avoided if possible as you run a one-in-three chance of having a mediocre dining experience, and a two-in-three chance of being pissed off. We shall see!

(727) 210-1313

Twins reunite! Sia’s sister came to visit us and this meant it was a time for celebration.  In their case, a time to get crab-tastic!  What better way to enjoy some food than to have a sip and then head out?  Driving to “Irritable Bill’s” we had 2 Pac cranked to full blast.  We flipped to some classics like ‘Dear Momma’, ‘What’s your Phone Numba?’, and ‘Thug Passion.’  Thug Passion immediately incited a tirade on my part that this drink needed to be recreated at some point in the night.  What’s ‘Thug Passion’ you ask?  Why it’s 1-part Alize to 1-part Cristal (champagne), what better way to relive some 2 Pac than to drink some Thug Passion (unfortunately this is still an unrealized dream of mine)?  With the windows down we passed by street lights through downtown Dunedin on our way to Clearwater Beach.  The neon lights emitting a consistent glow on one side and on the other the dour face of the Scientologist building.  As we approached Irritable Bill’s you could taste the salt on the air and what better way to offset salt than with a cold beverage, say hello cheap beer!

A couple of Yeunglings later our food began to arrive.  The ladies ordered some salads to go with their crab. The side salads were the general fare you can expect for side salads, the components looked moderately fresh but nothing to call your grandmother about. I ordered Frog Legs (which I later found out came from North Carolina) and french fries.  I wanted to try something I have never had before, thus the froggies. The frog legs tasted as they had been described to me, fairly neutral and chicken-like.  It was like eating overpriced chicken wings.  The allure was to eat a meat I had never tried before, but to be frank… fried things generally taste the same as other fried things.

They were fairly good considering that you can find these guys in your front lawn, especially when drenched with hotsauce (Crabby Bill’s house brand, which tastes similar to a mix of ‘Louisiana Hot Sauce’ and ‘Frank’s Redhot’).  If anything, the frog legs didn’t have enough natural flavor.  They were missing something to make you go “WOW”, and they were a little over-cooked.   The downside to the frog legs are the price. For something that you can catch on the side of the road, you expect to pay less than a chicken wing.

The crab legs were prepared in a different manner since the last time we had visited (see the previous Crabby Bill’s entry).  They appeared to have been treated to some kind of bay spice, and now more of the crab body was served.  Unfortunately they didn’t serve the whole crab body, leaving you wanting for some of that delicious crab-roe.

A night of delicious crab, mediocre frog legs, and cheap drinks makes for a good time.  If you come visit the Tampa/Clearwater, Florida area I would add this to the intinerary.  I have yet to find a better joint to get some crab appendages.  I hope to eventually find a bit more ‘authentic’ of a restaurant experience… something where you can tell that the restaurant is purchasing their sea-food locally.  Until then, “Irritable Bill’s” will have to do.

The food gets a Rating: 3 out of 5 stars as the Frog Legs were expensive and far from my best meal.

The experience merited an overall: Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

-Matt in Clearwater Beach, FL.

500 1st St
Indian Rocks Bch, FL 33785-2544
(727) 596-5898

Florida.  How best to describe Florida… sweltering, ball-soup hell?  I believe this accurately describes the Tampa area in August.  So, in this oppresive heat, Sia and I ventured out for some fresh seafood to commemorate her birthday.   On the advice of a friend we decided to visit PJ’s at Indian Rocks beach.

(I cribbed this shot from “princessangel” on Flickr)

After being seated I began to take in all that PJ’s had to offer.  Paper Towel holders hanging from the ceiling.  Dollar bills stapled to anything that doesn’t move. Landshark beer signs (along with other generic beer paraphenalia).  Cramped seating, and last but not least… some extremely overweight families.  You have to imagine me, an already large guy, multiplied by 3 and crammed into one person.  The atrocious thing was that the parents of the family closest to us ordered their kids each a pizza and a chicken finger meal.  Hey kids, say hello to early onset diabetes!   Hell, I remember sharing meals with my brother when we went out to eat as kids, but maybe that was because we were poor.

Aside from my fellow patrons, this is the atmosphere at the kind of joint I like to eat at.  My biggest beef with the joint were the prices which are delivered at tourist rates.  May I bring the court’s attention to Evidence 3c below:

We opened the evening with two appetizers, Calimari and Hush Puppies.  Calimari is battered (not emotionally), deep-fried squid.  Hush Puppies are deep fried nuggets of cornmeal and onions.  The calimari came with a sweet sauce that reminded me of pineapples.  The hush puppies were undeniabley the best hush puppies that I have ever had the pleasure of consuming.  They were fresh, homemade… crunchy on the outside yet tender and fucking delicious on the inside, the buttery-corn flavor burst in your mouth:

My lady of course ordered the crab, I neglected to take a direct picture of it, but I did have a bite and it was alright as far as crab goes.  I decided to order the Keywest Delight Grouper, and to be frank I would never order it again.  It appeared to have been broiled in a butter soup and then covered in a creamy garlic pimento sauce.  The dish was then topped with little fried crispy bits, thus making an overly greasy dish… greasier.  I was waiting for Bubbles to pop out of Trailer Park Boys and mutter something along the lines of, “I dunno Matt, that looks greeeeaaaaasssy.”  My eyes didn’t lie to me, the dish tasted liked it looked.

The service was fairly poor, and I think it was just the server we happened to get.  She was slow taking our order, getting our drinks, getting our food, and shit… you name it, she was slow at doing it.  The other servers I observed seemed to operate at a normal pace.

Overall PJ’s wasn’t outstanding aside from their hush puppies, I would likely be more verbose in my description but I feel I owe PJ’s another attempt before I write it off.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

-Matt at Indian Rocks Beach