Burger King
687 West State Street
Hurricane, UT 84737-1973
(801) 635-3663

So I saw the commercial and said “fine, I’ll bite”. I have always wondered when fast food would try and do actual ribs. Now that they have, I wanted to see how badly they effed it up. Well, the answer is pretty bad.

The ribs do seem to be actual ribs as opposed to the infamous McRib. They do also seem to have come into contact with actual fire at some point too. This is about all the good I have to say about these things.

Now, onto the bad. First off, they’re pretty flavorless besides char and salt. The majority of the flavor comes from the BBQ sauce, which is the same sauce you get if you ask for it with chicken nuggets or something. So you could really save yourself the trouble and just get some of that for free along with some salt. Put them together, imagine it has a bone in it, and you would get basically the same experience.

Also, it apparently takes them a long time to make them. There was nobody in line, and from order to driving away it took the entire lenght of “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath. 8 minutes.

Final note, don’t do it unless you have some horrible burning curiosity.

I have been talking with my brother about reviewing food places, and reviewing food in general.  My vision for this site is to not just encompass Food/Restaurant Reviews, but to also incorporate reviews from our other aspects of life.  Things like Music, Art, Automobiles, Motorcycles, Electronics, Video Games, and whatever else piques our interest. While talking about this I brought up reviewing Restaurants that are common, places that are national chains.  When you talk about something like Subway you are presented with a challenge.  How can you make the review interesting?  For the most part, we’ve all had a grilled chicken breast before or sliced deli-meat.  There is nothing particularly exciting or interesting about these mundane components that we eat on a routine basis.  How does one spice these things up?  Well, my answer is to do something unique or interesting.  If I were to eat at an Appleby’s (this wouldn’t be by choice unless it were to do what I will propose shortly) I would make an appetizer challenge.  For instance, I would order every appetizer on the menu and then ask the wait-staff to bring it all on one plate.  The goal would be to see if you could even make it through a quarter of that abomination, although clearly the end-game is that you’re trying to finish it all.  So, how did I spice up Subway?  I spiced it up with an uncommon marriage.

To be frank, I really enjoy Subway.  You can find a fairly healthy sub at a reasonable price.  There are quite a few items on the menu to choose from, and there are a plethora of toppings to customize your meal with. I happen to like the Subway in question because it is within walking distance of my job.  The building it is located in leaves something to be desired though:

That’s right, occasionally my ‘Eat Fresh’ sub comes straight out of a gas station and I know what you’re thinking, “How did you find such a gem?!”  Magic, that’s how.  Okay well that’s patently false, really I just had to get gas once after leaving work.  After surveying the field I had decided on my meal for the afternoon.

Today, I would be having a footlong Tuna and Meatballs sub on Italian Herbs & Cheese bread.  After stepping to the plate and placing my order the Subway employee (from now on referred to as Sir Subway) gave me a quizzical look, as if saying, “Are you fucking retarded?”  Sir Subway humored my request with grace and appeared to take some care in crafting this monstrosity.   Placing the beast within the oven required the kind of kid gloves normally reserved for handling a newborn.

After Sir Subway lovingly cradled my abberant sub and placed it in the oven, I had a bit of time to look over the goods and decide what to put on today’s ‘Challenge.’  I went for Onions, Banana Peppers, Jalapenos, and Lettuce.  I thought it prudent to try and marry the meatballs and tuna with something spicy, anything to make this more palatable.  Prior to Sir Subway loading up the ‘Challenge’ with my toppings I got a chance to eyeball my meal.  The best way I can think to describe this sub is… Meat Slurry.  The only comparable ‘food item’ would be chum for sharks.  This appeared to be bad news, Shark Week had been over for months.

Above you can see Sir Subway halving this monster like King Soloman.  The total rang through with tax as $7.49.

Closed, the sub didn’t seem all that intimidating.

After opening my submarine sandwich like a blossoming flower, I was surprised that I wasn’t more taken aback.  The presence of jalapenos and banana peppers may have skewed my perspective but the sub almost looked like a Mexi-sub/Nacho-sub and I happen to love nachos.

After a few bites in, I was surprised.  The Odd Couple Sub is surprisingly edible.  If you like meatballs and you like tuna-salad this sub just might be for you.   As long as you can look past the somewhat abominable appearance this is a passable meal. The hot peppers provide a bit of an explosion to offset the milky blandness of the tuna-salad.

Spread them wings son!  Only a few bites left…

…and I’m all done.  The Odd Couple sub feels like a rock in the pit of my stomach so I waived eating the second half. This bad mother definitely requres a plate and utensils.   If you happen to accept this challenge of the “Odd Couple Sub” make sure to begin with an empty stomach and an open heart… and lots of napkins.

The food itself pulls Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars. I knew what I was getting into and it ended up being considerabley better than all expectations.

The environment yielded Rating: 2 out of 5 stars as I ate that beast in my cube.  The only positive is that I have a very comfortable chair.

-Matt in Tampa

2328 Sunset Point Rd
Clearwater, FL 33765-1427
(727) 723-2346

Well, how to describe the Sunset Grill?  Home of the Crypt Keeper with a full bar?  An old-folks-home Cafeteria?  All I know is that the decor puts you in mind of being at someone’s alcoholic-Grandmother’s home.  Before you enter you’re assaulted by a faux-StripClub lighting scheme:

Upon entering the realm of the elderly you get a view of the full bar.  When I first entered I was a bit taken aback by the full bar.  The Sunset Grill vibe lends itself to more of a “family friendly” kind of theme like a Perkins or Bill Knapps (if those are even around anymore). Close seconds for relating to this vibe are Ram’s Horn restaurants and half of the Coney Islands in the Detroit area.  The most astounding part of the full bar was that someone was actually sitting at the bar and imbibing.

The next two shots really let you soak in the wrinkles.  There’s nothing wrong with old-folks, but an older crowd generally signifies milk-toast flavors.  If I ever hit 80 years old, I don’t know that I’ll want to chow down on something that really explodes in my mouth as it’s liable to make a forcible exit later.  So, the patronage and fake pussy-willow stalks filled me with a sense of foreboding.  Mediocrity may pervade.

In the vein of fulfilling your alcoholic-Grandparent’s desires, there is a ledge that rings the entire dining room of the restaurant.  This ledge is littered with random beer steins.  Now, in another setting this might play to the establishment’s favor but these beer steins are collecting dust.  Instead of doing something interesting like letting patrons pick a stein from the wall to drink from they are merely ceremonial vestments to remind you that Grandma and Grandpa used to throw a couple back in their day.  This reminds me of my own Grandmother’s house where she has random trinkets and figurines lining the kitchen walls that are collecting just as much dust.  Who decided that this would be a good idea?  This is willfully presenting your junk to the world like it’s something to be proud of.  If it’s never going to be touched put it in a box and throw it in the basement or attic.  Enough of my kvetching, onto the Menu:

This actually isn’t the full-menu.  This is the placemat/specials menu. Unfortunately my phone couldn’t take a legible photo, but most of the items are classic American cuisine (Beef Tips with Noodles kind of shit).  The bonus to this joint is that everything is under $15.   I decided to order the ‘All You Can Eat Fried Fish’ for $9.95. Typically I steer clear of all-you-can-eat specials/items as I rarely get my money’s worth of food or the food is so god-awful that it becomes more of a “All-You-Can-Stomach” challenge.  That challenge is essentially a vain attempt to recoup my wasted dollars, unfortunately it’s a battle I always lose.  I ended up with the Fish-Challenge because it didn’t look like their were any other takers in this Land of Sagging Flesh and Liver Spots so I was hoping I wouldn’t get fried fish that had over-baked in the kitchen’s heat lamps.  One nice thing about The Sunset Grill is that with most meals you get soup/salad and bread.  I opened with Cream of Broccoli (it could’ve used far more broccoli).

As you can see, it’s all suitable diner fare.  The cream of broccoli was actually quite decent and served hot.  If you’ve visited a diner, you may have had an occasion where you received tepid soup, and I find that quite unpleasant.  Unless I’m being served Gazpacho or something similar, I want my soup so hot that it could blister my mouth and will burn my hands if I get a little too grabby with it.  This gives you more time to dip bread into the soup while waiting for it to cool.

The nice thing about the fried fish is that it wasn’t fish parts reconstituted into a triangle or square or some other non-fish shape… I actually received a fillet.  The fish tasted like it was hand battered and then deep fried, my only beef (or lack thereof, har har har) was that one of the pieces wasn’t scaled well enough and ended up getting chewy at one end.   I ended up ordered another batch of fish, as I did get the ‘All You Can Eat Fish.”  Doing so was a mistake as I could only muscle down half of a fillet of the 3 brought.  The Sunset Grill also gets a little stingy and won’t let you take home the remains of the ‘All You Can Eat Fish,’ which in retrospect is fine as the fish wasn’t anything to call home about.

Above are the still remains of a fish uneaten.  Sorry fish for not fulfilling your purpose in this world and consuming you.

In the end, the atmosphere warrants a Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.  Aside from feeling like I was eating at a retirement home, the ambiance wasn’t awful.

The food pulled a solid Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.  I suspect that they make a killer-something here but I certainly didn’t order it today.  If you have a large appetite for fish, you could do worse than order the ‘All You Can Eat Fried Fish’ special at The Sunset Grill, but if you want to be wowed I would steer clear.

-Matt in Clearwater

Any sonic.. anywhere

I recently was down in Swannanoa, North Carolina for a wedding about a month ago.  Swannanoa is right next to Asheville, which is a bit of a tourist attraction.  It’s completely understandable too, you’re in the mountains.. surrounded by trees.  It’s absolutely gorgeous up there.  Anyways, it’s a long drive back to Michigan.  Being the super smart guy that I am, I didn’t think to bring any traveling food, and I had recently switched to a vegetarian diet.  Unfortunately, Taco Bell even seemed scarce down there.  Well, my driver kept forgetting that I had switched to a vegetarian diet, so I ended up trying to find the single vegetarian item on many menus.  Not like I cared for the most part, as long as there’s something to eat I’m fine.  Plus, every gas station sells some peanuts.  It’s not like there’s some food shortage here in America.  I avoid dairy because of some lactose intolerance.  While a little is fine, especially when a bathroom is nearby, the thought of eating some Mac&Cheese and then enduring 6 more hours of gas… not exactly my idea of a fun car trip.

So, we stop at a Sonic.  Not many options for a vegetarian there.  I opted for the kid’s meal grilled cheese, a banana, and a Lime Limeade.  Holy shit, $3 or $4? Are you fucking kidding me?  Two pieces of shitty wonderbread style white bread and a fucking slice of American cheese.  Butter both sides, toss on flat top.  $2 for a grilled cheese.  If I was driving I would have found a grocery store or something, because I hate shelling out hard earned cash for overpriced bread and cheese.  The grilled cheese was completely fucking smashed, the banana was fresh though.  Unfortunately I had no idea that a Lime Limeade was so ridiculously sweet/sour, not bad at all if you let the ice melt a little bit.  Over priced, shitty food.  I can’t comment on their burgers, but good god what a waste of $4.

Unfortunately my phone was out of batteries at that point, so I have to crib this picture from the internet.  The grilled cheese looks decently similar, except mine was completely smashed…

Food – Rating: 0.5 out of 5 stars Edible.  I’d avoid eating there again at all costs.
Decor – Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars Drive up fast food, not pretty.. but not bad either.
Service – Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars Not bad service, not good service.  Food was brought out in under 15 minutes.  Not particularly friendly, nor unfriendly.

Total –  Rating: 1.83 out of 5 stars Overall under 2 stars.  Undoubtedly their burgers would be better, but I prefer a good 1/2 pounder from a little hole in the wall type place.

The girlfriend and I decided to go to Crabby Bill’s on a muggy summer evening. We had gone together once before, and we decided to come back because she loves crab-legs (on the last outing the Snow Crab legs were delicious, I snuck a taste). Immediately after crossing the Clearwater Memorial Causeway you’re assualted by the typical tourist-shit; surf shops, neon-lights, and families with backpacks and flip-flops dragging little Johnny along. By this time there are no girls in bikini’s, just loud music and motorcycles.

When you enter Crabby Bills, it’s a bit like walking into a beach-side CrAppleby’s. There’s the same goofy, campy shit on the walls, a tired server with listless eyes counting down the time left, and a bar. I’m fine with the bar. Going to Crabby Bill’s on a Thursday proves fruitful as a cup of anything on tap is about $2. The atmosphere is clearly a drag, but the menu looks alright. On my last visit I made the mistake of ordering the Fried Platter, which was fine for what it was but you are pretty much just eating overpriced batter and grease.

The appetizer comes out, we ordered the Seared Mahi-Mahi. The tuna is seared and then rolled in Basel and Parsely. We’re disappointed that it wasn’t rolled in pepper or something a little more suitable for seared tuna. Unfortunately the Mahi-Mahi is a bit on the warm side, it felt like it hung out under the lamp leaving the interior with a skin-temperature level of heat. The saving grace is that the flavor is spot-on. As you can see the side-salad is the average fare.

Our entrees come out, I ordered the Broiled Platter which comes with Scallops, Grouper, Shrimp, Conch Fritter, Southern-style Green Beans, and French Fries:

I first break into the scallops; they’ve been cleaned well and were broiled in butter. Pretty fucking delicious. They’ve been cleaned properly, so no sand to grate between your teeth. I next tear into the Conch Fritter, it tastest akin to a spicy crab cake. If you haven’t had one before, it’s like eating a bite of moist, spicy, corn bread. The shrimp and the grouper are on par with everything else. The fries are fries… fried, greasy, delciious. If you haven’t had Grouper, it’s very similar to cod or whitefish… very neutral not much ‘fish’ flavor. For the unitiated, Southern-style green beans are a combination of “No he just didn’t” and “Why didn’t I think of this?” Essentially, someone decided to dice some onions, cook some bacon and then marry it with green beans. If this won’t get your kid to eat vegetables, you’re raising a lost cause. Leave it at the next church you pass.

The girlfriend’s entrée is as follows:

I didn’t sample her entire plate, but I did have a bit of the crab. She has found that Snow Crab has more base-’Crab’ flavor than the King Crab and I heartily agree. After trying a bite the first-time-round, I had to have another taste to be convinced this wasn’t some trick (my previous experiences with Crab were in a Crab Rangoon, a poor decision to order All-You-Can-Eat-King-Crab-Legs at the ‘World Buffet’ [behind the Lansing mall in Lansing, MI... next to the Salvation Army.  Salvation Army and Buffet go hand-in-hand right?], and that synthetic stuff at a friend’s house). The texture of crab isn’t particularly remarkable, it’s like eating a bite of filet mignon… it’s tender. The part of this that intrigued me was that the crab itself tasted somewhat buttery yet wasn’t dipped in butter. If you’re a crab fan, I would highly suggest Snow Crab Legs.

In closing, this trip may have been “enhanced” by imbibing 3 or 4 Yuenglings. According to Chris (another contributor to the site, just not yet) Yuengling originated from PA, but there is a local brewery for them here in Tampa. It’s like a classier Budweiser. It’s smooth, with an almost milky back-end yet not as rich as a Blue-moon or an Oberon. The prices weren’t great (other than the beer), the décor was a turn off, but the food was delish.

CRUSTACEAN ATTACK ATTACK!

-Matt in Tampa
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars