First, I’d like to thank Google Streetview’s camera-van for grabbing a great picture of the front of Tropical Smoothie Cafe.  When I went and grabbed a bite to eat there, I didn’t have any plan to review the place.  In fact I wasn’t even planning on eating there.  I wound up swinging over there to meet up with Chris Werner to show him my new bike, the Harley Davidson 2010 Iron 883.  As a great man about town, Chris comp’ed me a delicious meal on his tab as well as a smoothie while I was there.

Chris made me a Buffalo Chicken wrap, and while I’m certain it’s not the most healthy item on the menu, it was certainly delicious.  I’m sure you’re asking yourself right now, “Hey Matt, why the fuck are you talking about the healthiness of your meal?”  Well, good sir, I bring this up because Tropical Smoothie Cafe appears to pride itself upon ‘Eating Better’ and ‘Feeling Better’. While I didn’t necessary feel better about myself or my health after eating said wrap, I certainly enjoyed it.  What I did like was that the meal was served with a freshly cut orange which is a great substitute for french fries. I believe I also received a Caribbean Breeze smoothie and it basically tasted like mangos… but I’m not sure exactly what was in there. Either way it was sweet and cold on a sweltering day, just what the doctor ordered.  I don’t really know for sure what I had as I basically told Chris to “make me something good.”   As you can see above they have a somewhat goofy decor, going for an island theme which feels a little less contrived in Florida than it would feel in Michigan… nothing like snow on the ground in March to make you feel Caribbean.

Due to my circumstances of receiving a free meal, I’m going to give a jaded rating.  I would rate my experience as Rating: 4 out of 5 stars.

I may have to give this one a more impartial review, but I’m not itching to drive 35 minutes to have a smoothie and a wrap, so this will have to wait for some future date.

-Matt in Tampa

Burger King
687 West State Street
Hurricane, UT 84737-1973
(801) 635-3663

So I saw the commercial and said “fine, I’ll bite”. I have always wondered when fast food would try and do actual ribs. Now that they have, I wanted to see how badly they effed it up. Well, the answer is pretty bad.

The ribs do seem to be actual ribs as opposed to the infamous McRib. They do also seem to have come into contact with actual fire at some point too. This is about all the good I have to say about these things.

Now, onto the bad. First off, they’re pretty flavorless besides char and salt. The majority of the flavor comes from the BBQ sauce, which is the same sauce you get if you ask for it with chicken nuggets or something. So you could really save yourself the trouble and just get some of that for free along with some salt. Put them together, imagine it has a bone in it, and you would get basically the same experience.

Also, it apparently takes them a long time to make them. There was nobody in line, and from order to driving away it took the entire lenght of “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath. 8 minutes.

Final note, don’t do it unless you have some horrible burning curiosity.

I have been talking with my brother about reviewing food places, and reviewing food in general.  My vision for this site is to not just encompass Food/Restaurant Reviews, but to also incorporate reviews from our other aspects of life.  Things like Music, Art, Automobiles, Motorcycles, Electronics, Video Games, and whatever else piques our interest. While talking about this I brought up reviewing Restaurants that are common, places that are national chains.  When you talk about something like Subway you are presented with a challenge.  How can you make the review interesting?  For the most part, we’ve all had a grilled chicken breast before or sliced deli-meat.  There is nothing particularly exciting or interesting about these mundane components that we eat on a routine basis.  How does one spice these things up?  Well, my answer is to do something unique or interesting.  If I were to eat at an Appleby’s (this wouldn’t be by choice unless it were to do what I will propose shortly) I would make an appetizer challenge.  For instance, I would order every appetizer on the menu and then ask the wait-staff to bring it all on one plate.  The goal would be to see if you could even make it through a quarter of that abomination, although clearly the end-game is that you’re trying to finish it all.  So, how did I spice up Subway?  I spiced it up with an uncommon marriage.

To be frank, I really enjoy Subway.  You can find a fairly healthy sub at a reasonable price.  There are quite a few items on the menu to choose from, and there are a plethora of toppings to customize your meal with. I happen to like the Subway in question because it is within walking distance of my job.  The building it is located in leaves something to be desired though:

That’s right, occasionally my ‘Eat Fresh’ sub comes straight out of a gas station and I know what you’re thinking, “How did you find such a gem?!”  Magic, that’s how.  Okay well that’s patently false, really I just had to get gas once after leaving work.  After surveying the field I had decided on my meal for the afternoon.

Today, I would be having a footlong Tuna and Meatballs sub on Italian Herbs & Cheese bread.  After stepping to the plate and placing my order the Subway employee (from now on referred to as Sir Subway) gave me a quizzical look, as if saying, “Are you fucking retarded?”  Sir Subway humored my request with grace and appeared to take some care in crafting this monstrosity.   Placing the beast within the oven required the kind of kid gloves normally reserved for handling a newborn.

After Sir Subway lovingly cradled my abberant sub and placed it in the oven, I had a bit of time to look over the goods and decide what to put on today’s ‘Challenge.’  I went for Onions, Banana Peppers, Jalapenos, and Lettuce.  I thought it prudent to try and marry the meatballs and tuna with something spicy, anything to make this more palatable.  Prior to Sir Subway loading up the ‘Challenge’ with my toppings I got a chance to eyeball my meal.  The best way I can think to describe this sub is… Meat Slurry.  The only comparable ‘food item’ would be chum for sharks.  This appeared to be bad news, Shark Week had been over for months.

Above you can see Sir Subway halving this monster like King Soloman.  The total rang through with tax as $7.49.

Closed, the sub didn’t seem all that intimidating.

After opening my submarine sandwich like a blossoming flower, I was surprised that I wasn’t more taken aback.  The presence of jalapenos and banana peppers may have skewed my perspective but the sub almost looked like a Mexi-sub/Nacho-sub and I happen to love nachos.

After a few bites in, I was surprised.  The Odd Couple Sub is surprisingly edible.  If you like meatballs and you like tuna-salad this sub just might be for you.   As long as you can look past the somewhat abominable appearance this is a passable meal. The hot peppers provide a bit of an explosion to offset the milky blandness of the tuna-salad.

Spread them wings son!  Only a few bites left…

…and I’m all done.  The Odd Couple sub feels like a rock in the pit of my stomach so I waived eating the second half. This bad mother definitely requres a plate and utensils.   If you happen to accept this challenge of the “Odd Couple Sub” make sure to begin with an empty stomach and an open heart… and lots of napkins.

The food itself pulls Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars. I knew what I was getting into and it ended up being considerabley better than all expectations.

The environment yielded Rating: 2 out of 5 stars as I ate that beast in my cube.  The only positive is that I have a very comfortable chair.

-Matt in Tampa

Any sonic.. anywhere

I recently was down in Swannanoa, North Carolina for a wedding about a month ago.  Swannanoa is right next to Asheville, which is a bit of a tourist attraction.  It’s completely understandable too, you’re in the mountains.. surrounded by trees.  It’s absolutely gorgeous up there.  Anyways, it’s a long drive back to Michigan.  Being the super smart guy that I am, I didn’t think to bring any traveling food, and I had recently switched to a vegetarian diet.  Unfortunately, Taco Bell even seemed scarce down there.  Well, my driver kept forgetting that I had switched to a vegetarian diet, so I ended up trying to find the single vegetarian item on many menus.  Not like I cared for the most part, as long as there’s something to eat I’m fine.  Plus, every gas station sells some peanuts.  It’s not like there’s some food shortage here in America.  I avoid dairy because of some lactose intolerance.  While a little is fine, especially when a bathroom is nearby, the thought of eating some Mac&Cheese and then enduring 6 more hours of gas… not exactly my idea of a fun car trip.

So, we stop at a Sonic.  Not many options for a vegetarian there.  I opted for the kid’s meal grilled cheese, a banana, and a Lime Limeade.  Holy shit, $3 or $4? Are you fucking kidding me?  Two pieces of shitty wonderbread style white bread and a fucking slice of American cheese.  Butter both sides, toss on flat top.  $2 for a grilled cheese.  If I was driving I would have found a grocery store or something, because I hate shelling out hard earned cash for overpriced bread and cheese.  The grilled cheese was completely fucking smashed, the banana was fresh though.  Unfortunately I had no idea that a Lime Limeade was so ridiculously sweet/sour, not bad at all if you let the ice melt a little bit.  Over priced, shitty food.  I can’t comment on their burgers, but good god what a waste of $4.

Unfortunately my phone was out of batteries at that point, so I have to crib this picture from the internet.  The grilled cheese looks decently similar, except mine was completely smashed…

Food – Rating: 0.5 out of 5 stars Edible.  I’d avoid eating there again at all costs.
Decor – Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars Drive up fast food, not pretty.. but not bad either.
Service – Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars Not bad service, not good service.  Food was brought out in under 15 minutes.  Not particularly friendly, nor unfriendly.

Total –  Rating: 1.83 out of 5 stars Overall under 2 stars.  Undoubtedly their burgers would be better, but I prefer a good 1/2 pounder from a little hole in the wall type place.